Accepting the wave

Pain can be the best counselor sometimes.  Over the last few years, I started to develop all kinds of aches and pains.  Mainly back pain, sometimes severe enough to become the focus of my day.  My finger joints also felt funny.  Not truly painful, but something was changing and not for the better.

If this process was not annoying enough by itself, my dear doctor, a very cerebral type, looked at me straight in the eye and said:  "Well, so.... how old are you?..... this happens"  This was not the greatest moment in modern medicine.

Mentally I was probably not in the best possible place either.  The recession was raging around me.  As a finance guy I knew the housing market was absolutely tanking about a year before it became news. Why I couldn't make a ton of money out of that knowledge, beats me, but I digress...

The prospect of having my first child starting college during all this economic uncertainty made me very tense.  I carried this tension in my body, but I did not notice.  Tension became pain and pain became a very heavy object that I lugged around all day. I became addicted to news and all news were negative, reinforcing the bad feelings, increasing my tension and with it the muscle pain and the mental misery.

Out of despair, one day, my mind shifted from focusing on all these frightful things and just decided to listen. If you know me, you'll realize that listening does not come naturally.  This process took several weeks.  Just trying to clearly see how things are,  just paying attention to how life unfolds.  Out of this silence, I started to sense that we are all part of this incredibly powerful stream of creative energy that continuously pushes the world forward and us with it.  When we are young, we enjoy this wave, when we are old we fight it, kicking and screaming, terrified by the prospect of painful change happening outside of our control.

As the spring arrived last year, I started to accept being part of this creative process of change, truly accepting that I am not in control and that this energy is also inside of us, sustaining us.  I started to let go of most of my fears and tensions.  This is not a rational process, it is a metamorphosis based on an act of faith and surrender to what is, good or bad, as part of a larger process of life unfolding.

I started writing again for the first time since my college days.  This opened a channel into this untapped area of my mind that happens to be a source of power.  My energy level has soared since I started my blog.  I also started taking better care of myself, working out consistently. I have not lost any weight, but I am strong and getting stronger. My suits fit better.  My finger joints no longer hurt.  My back only bothers me occasionally. My new companion is no longer constant stiffness, but this new clean and engaged energy.

My mental focus has shifted to living a creative, connected life with other people. Building  strong connections and maintaining a harmonious dynamic balance with others. At first I thought that this type of free flowing mindset could ruin the career of a finance type like me.  Not at all.  I am better at problem solving and dealing with interpersonal issues.  I am more engaged and more mentally fluid, so I enjoy work better.  I focus on helping the new wave of people, my role as a mentor to the younger employees, how to help them get in touch with their own creative energies and find their way.

Yesterday it was the goodbye party for our last finance rotational employee.  She is a very bright young woman.  Just a year older than my older son, something that blows my mind a little.  She has a very strong personality and a sharp mind. Melissa is on her way to a new assignment in Florida, getting away from all this cold misery we call January.   Out of a sense of creative dissatisfaction, she has started blogging and with it, her process of metamorphosis. 

Melissa  I hope you make contact with the source of creativity within you and find your purpose and your balance.  Godspeed my friend.

  
http://startsomeplace.blogspot.com/2013/01/new-beginnings.html