Don't kill chivalry just yet.

I spent some time working in Latin America, back in 1999.

I quickly realized that treating people different because of their gender was not only acceptable, but expected of me. For instance,  at a crowded elevator, women would exit first whether they were standing right by the door or all the way back.  I was pushed out of the way a couple of times and got dirty looks from them as they zoomed passed me. 

My coworker, a local, explained that men should not leave an elevator until all the women have, even if the elevator is not on fire.  Chivalry in Latin American culture, he explained, was the way men and women showed respect for each other.  

I remember bringing this tidbit of inter-cultural wisdom to my middle aged female boss in Chicago.  Her answer was sharp:  Yep, you Latin guys are all pigs!! I had heard this comment before, so I was ready.  OK, if chivalry holds women back, why there have been dozens of women presidents in Latin countries and not one in the US?  My boss was stunned by the question.

A couple of weeks ago,  I purposely looked for an opportunity to act like a "gentleman" in a work situation, this time in Connecticut.  I volunteered to carry my coworkers's rollie-briefcase.  I felt triumphant for about two seconds ( hey, she agreed!), but it really didn't feel quite right after that. Looking at the situation with a North American mindset, I was either being overly subservient to a work peer, or hitting on her.  Ughh.

Maybe the US culture has moved too far from chivalry in the workplace that it now feels contrived. This could be good thing, specially after watching "Mad Men" and seeing how women were treated both at work and at home back in the sixties. 

We feel that we have gone such a long way, but the culture has taken several steps back. All the hip-hop, rap, country and pop culture blatantly objectivizes women.  Shaking it and twerking it is the way to go to make a quick buck in the music industry if you are a woman.  Shakira, the poetic songwriter from Colombia, has made it big shaking her hips. No lie.  We need a cultural vaccine against this trend.  Chivalry may be it. 

If based on mutual respect, it is a life enhancing behavior. In Latin countries, it's this deep sense of respect and appreciation for women that drives both men's polite behavior and their votes when they are warranted.