The jelly bean jar theory

 For those of you that have not heard about the jelly bean jar, the theory goes as follows.  A couple puts a jelly bean in the jar each time they have sex the first year they are married.  After year one, they start removing a jelly bean each time they have sex.  The theory goes that most couples will never empty the jar, even if they remain married for the rest of their lives.

There are different versions of this theory, depending on the starting point, either first year of marriage or from when  the couple starts being intimate.  No matter what flavor you prefer, the conclusion is the same, frequency declines at a very steep rate very quickly.

Ray Romano has a completely enjoyable comedy skit about this.  Ray and his wife had twins and their lives got very busy very quickly.  Jump to 4:28 if you want to go directly to his monologue about sex.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7od8pR0RvI&feature=youtube_gdata_player

In his comedy show, Ray will never empty the jar.  His comedic sexual life seems to play out along the lines of gender cliches, performance anxieties and other misconceptions. He is an endearing character.  Everyone loves Raymond, even though he always gets in trouble by not being direct and by trying to "manage" the people around him.

In real life, Ray has four kids with his wife. I saw them being interviewed. They were very direct and respectful with each other and they seemed to enjoy each other's company completely .  Ray and his wife would look at each other and you could tell they were exchanging impressions, there was a lot of non verbal communication going on between the two of them.  A very attuned couple.  You cannot underestimate  how much marriage is just an exercise in communication.  Life long direct, simple, non manipulative communication. These guys get it.

In his comedy show, Ray can moan about how full his jar is. In real life, I think these two are going to be fine, no matter how many jelly beans they still have left.

Stay hungry my friends.