Relationship advice from love songs

Over the last couple of years I have gone from listening to all kind of news, mainly investing and political shows, to listening to music. This has increased my quality of mind considerably.  Still aware of what is important by quickly browsing Bloomberg on my smart phone. I don't miss all the crazy chatter from CNBC and the like.

Most songs are about relationships going bad.  It seems that the human experience is like an interpersonal demolition derby.  High speeds, crowded environments, lots of maneuvering, close calls, down right spectacular disasters, peppered by some awesome performances that make us all wish that we could to do just that.

So here are my observations on what the stages of a relationship are.

Apologies in advance since my random tastes in music have gravitated towards the south lately...

Initial stage.  Also known as the "yeah, baby yeah, stage"
Just each other's presence seems to be good enough. Did I say good?  I mean, awesome. Lots of physical contact and not a clearly defined relationship goal. Just a lot of time together and plenty of skin.  Good times.  As rewarding as this stage can be, it is also the easiest part of this whole game.
Damn!

                Representative song
                Don't rush.  Kelly Clarkson.
                http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=p0PRNd5XLXA

Second stage. The "I love you honey, but" or the "I love you honey, and" stage. This is the mysterious next step that probably separates the good from the bad.  My personal sense is that this stage is too nuanced and personally different to be packaged into simple lyrics that millions of people can identify with.

I think it goes right if the song is titled:
 - I love you honey AND we are doing all these other things together
These songs will allow the couple to bypass stage three.

If the title of the song ( and I haven't heard these yet ) include a "but", we may go to stage three:
- I love you honey BUT I really dislike your friends/family/habits/etc
                                    you should really get a job / a better job
                                    you should lose/gain a few pounds
                                    I really don't want to spend any time with you, too busy.

Not that there are no "but(s)" in healthy second stage relationships, but watch the emotional tone of some "but(s)", if they get nasty and uncaring for a long period of time, there is trouble.

Third stage.  The FUBAR stage.  It ends.  Some nuances here.  Many paths to destruction in this demolition derby.  Finding someone else is definitely one.  But I think having a relationship turned into an exercise of interpersonal control is the big kahuna here.

One of my old bosses, a very calm and quiet man, normally, asked me once, "Carlos, are you married?"  I said yes, he said : "Don't you EVER get a divorce.  Just kill the bitch!" and he walked away. He was in the middle of a heated divorce and was frantic that morning after a call from her lawyers.  His marriage had lasted seven years.  He mentioned later that seven years was the magic number, were things that he didn't like about his wife, that he thought he could change, now seemed unchangeable.

Having the concept that you can change someone else is like teaching a pig to sing.  It is going to take too much effort, the song is never going to be good and in the process you will certainly aggravate the pig.

             Representative song ( relationship ends due to trying to change someone )
             Now that she's gone.  Florida Georgia Line
             http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=TnQ7y-3nUhM

Meeting someone else is the other one. I wonder if there are any statistics somewhere about who is more likely to find someone else, either men or women. I suspect that the change of heart is due to some issue in the present relationship, the thrill and excitement or simply fear of long term commitments to anything and anyone in a society that drives the message of "new and improved"

            Representative song ( another person enters the picture )
            Postcard from Paris.  The Band Perry.
            http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=cO3PQ5onovo

The seventh stage.  The seventh? What happened to the other ones?  I don't know.  It is up to you to figure them out.  The seventh stage is when you look at your life at a very old age and you realize that it all worked out. What started out as a simple relationship between just two people has had long lasting and nurturing effects on you two and dozens of other people around you.  This is like winning the demolition derby and it does not come without bumps and bruises. Shake them off, get tough, love is a contact sport, and it's all good.

            Representative song
            Man I am today.  Florida Georgia Line
            http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=jcq5UCTChPM

This could be a good life.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=jZhQOvvV45w

Please send me your favorite songs and your comments on what they mean to you.

This article is a work in process.